The Hetalia Academy for Insane Fangirls
by Spaced Out Fangirl
Summary: So Prussia accidentally leads a horde of fangirls into a World Meeting, causing chaos and broken bones. That's when the nations realize that they need to get their fangirl problem under control, leading to the creation of the Hetalia Academy for Insane Fangirls! Sorry, applications are closed :P but Flying Mint Bunny is still here, right?
1. Prologue

**This is a little short, let's make it the prologue. :) I randomly got this idea, and decided to try it out.**

The nations were having a World Meeting one day when Prussia's plan to infiltrate said meeting went Very Wrong. **(Okay, I'm bad at beginning sentences. I will admit this freely XD)**

Prussia had grabbed some Hetalia fangirls (all of whom had found him as he walked down the street) and told them that the objects of their admiration were all inside that building, there, with all the flags.

(A few had refused to leave his side at first, though he convinced them eventually.)

The fangirls swarmed the building and attacked the unfortunate nations.

Prussia realized what he had done and screamed, "EVERYONE EVACUATE! THE FANGIRLS ARE COMING!" but it was too late.

Then Prussia tried to escape before he himself was caught—unfortunately, several fangirls dragged him into the melee.

Which was how all the countries ended up with bruises all over and several broken wrists from the fangirls attempting to drag them away.

And that was also how several nations ended up attending a smaller meeting later that week, once everyone was out of the hospital.

Italy, Romano, Germany, Japan, Spain, Prussia, America, Canada, England, France, Russia, China, Poland, Lithuania, Denmark, and Norway all showed up. Germany looked around and sighed—several nations hadn't come, probably too scared.

"We need to train these fangirls," announced Germany. Everyone blinked.

"Like, dogs?" Denmark smirked, but most of the nations looked confused.

"Exactly! We need to train them to stop freaking out at the sight of our faces, as well as to stop writing such horrible fanfiction and to channel their powerful lungs into more healthy activities."

Everyone looked thoughtful.

"Yes, _please_!" groaned Prussia. "Those fangirls were all over me!"

Immediately, the others remembered that it was Prussia's fault they ached all over and glared at him. He said, "What?" Then he remembered too, and shut up.

"Well, we can send them all letters saying they've been accepted to a school the Hetalia characters teach at. That'll get them to go," suggested Japan. Everyone agreed.

Lithuania shivered. He didn't have as many fangirls as some people, but he still definitely had fangirls (as he'd been reassured of the other day at the World Meeting).

"So are we inviting fanfiction writers too?" asked Norway curiously. He had to have a talk with all these crazy girls who were writing stories about him and Denmark **(But Norway, you're so cute together!)**.

"Yes," confirmed Germany.

Norway wasn't sure if he was glad about that or not.

_**ve~ohonhonhon~kolkolkol~kesesese~ve**_

Name:

Species:

Age:

Appearance:

Object of obsession:

Pairings you ship:

Fangirl, fanfic writer, or both:

Additional notes:

Germany reviewed the form with satisfaction.

"Look good?" he asked Prussia.

"Yeah," agreed Prussia. Then he frowned. "Wait, 'species'?"

Germany nodded. "England requested it. He's hoping that some students will put something other than 'human'."

"Why would he… oh, wait. Awesome!"

_**ve~ohonhonhon~kolkolkol~kesesese~ve**_

Sarah Johnson frowned when she saw the letter addressed to her, from the "Hetalia Academy for Insane Fangirls".

What was that? The "Hetalia" part sounded promising, though "insane"... not so much.

She ripped open the envelope to find an acceptance letter and application form.

_Greetings, _Sarah:

_You have been accepted to the Hetalia Academy for Insane Fangirls, which is a school that the Hetalia characters you are obsessed with teach at. We would like you to come to this very exclusive school, at which you will find your object of obsession as well as many other characters from the Hetalia anime. Please fill out the application form carefully and send it to the return address on the envelope. This address is not the address of any Hetalia character's house, so please, don't try to find it._

_-The Hetalians_

"OMG, I like, totally have to meet England!" squealed Sarah. She examined the application form.

She began to write her name, but it didn't seem quite right. She skipped it and moved on to the next one, "species".

Hmm. Sarah decided she'd put "unicorn" as a joke. Plus, if she was a unicorn, England would like her better!

"Sarah" wasn't a very good name for a unicorn. After thinking for a second, she thought of the perfect name-Sparkles.

(This wasn't really the perfect name, but the self-proclaimed "unicorn" is an obsessive fangirl. Give her a little break.)

_**ve~ohonhonhon~kolkolkol~kesesese~ve**_

The application forms came pouring in, and with each one the Bad Touch Trio just laughed harder. They were sorting the forms based on age, though they weren't making much progress.

"Sparkles Johnson—a 13-year-old unicorn—the fuck, a _unicorn_, she's going to regret that—PINK WIF SPARKLZ—obsessed with England—ships EngSpark, which is apparently her and him—she's a fangirl—additional notes: England is hot—hahahaha!"

"Oh yeah? How about this one: Lindsay—no last name—16 years old—"chocolate brown" hair with one blue eye, one green—she's apparently a 'sexy Prussia fangirl', that's her species—obsessed with you, Gil—ships GerIta, Spamano, USUK, a few more—she's both a fangirl and writer—additional notes: PRUSSIA IS AWESOME!"

"I like that one."

"Figures."

"Are there any _humans_?"

"No."

**Oh yeah guys, you can submit fangirls and fanfic writers! I want to write more about that, but I can't think, I'm distracted. I'll probably take the first five of yours as main characters and then the rest as minor characters. Sparkles will not be a main character—Lindsay will, though. Lol again, anyways, have fun.**

**(I watched Paint It, White! again today. It's so awesome, but I wish all the Nordics were in it, not just Iceland at the beginning.)**

**Oh, I know! Make the fangirls 12-18, please. It's easier if they're all about that age.**

**~Sof**


	2. Enter Maria Sue!

**I just remembered I forgot to do the disclaimer last chapter! So, yeah. I don't own Hetalia. If I did, I would insert myself as Prussia's girlfriend. And make all the pairings I like canon. And make England's eyebrows even bushier, just to be mean. And… yeah, pretty much ruin it. So be glad Hidekaz Himaruya owns Hetalia!**

**In this chapter, Mary Sue is introduced (along with several BTT comments about your fangirls)! Yaaaaaay! (I just couldn't help myself.) She's based off of a Mary Sue I created as a joke, to see how perfect I could make her.**

**And to make this author's note ridiculously long, sorry this is kind of a boring chapter. It's kind of a filler, you know? Things will get more interesting next chapter, I promise.**

While sorting the forms, Prussia noticed an unusually thick application.

"Hey, look at this one, guys!"

_Name: Maria Angel Raven Luna Ebony Twilight L'Amore Stardust Celeste Sapphire Sakura Swan! But I go by Mexico, because that's the country I want to represent!_

_Age: 17!_

_Appearance:_

Their mouths all dropped open. Maria, or Mexico, or whatever… She had put in a picture instead of just describing herself, and she was really hot.

But, problem: she wasn't Mexican.

There was a note under the picture too.

_I sometimes have golden, black, pink, blue, purple, turquoise, fiery red hair, and so on, as well as green eyes, blue eyes, golden eyes, black eyes, pink eyes, purple eyes, silver eyes, etc.—it all depends how I want to look! I sometimes (depends on how I feel) have beautiful silver, gold, or pure white wings—I can choose the color!_

They all blinked. "Okay then…"

_Species:_ _I'm a quarter vampire, a quarter faerie, a quarter angel, and a quarter human!_

_Object of obsession: I like all the characters!_

_Pairings you ship: Me x anyone!_

_Fangirl, fanfic writer, or both: Both!_

_Additional notes: I have a really beautiful singing voice and also play the piano, harp, and violin excellently! Plus, I have awesome psychic abilities! I smell really good, it's an undefinable but very attractive scent! I speak not only English, but Japanese, French, Spanish, and Italian too!_

They all sighed in relief that it was over and thanked the heavens that they had worn their exclamationpointglasses (you know, like sunglasses).

"I think we have a Mary Sue on our hands…" said Spain. And then: "Why Spanish? Why Mexico?"

"Yeah, she's not even Mexican," agreed Prussia.

They all took a look at the picture again.

"Dibs," said France sarcastically.

"Yeah, that thing is _too_ perfect," laughed Spain.

"She's still really hot though," sighed France. "And she said 'me x anyone' on her application for pairings she likes..."

Spain rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but that means she'll probably just flirt with everyone and you'll never get her all to yourself. So, yeah."

"Can we refuse her application?" wondered France.

"No, we have to train her so she's not a Mary Sue anymore," sighed Spain.

"Damn. I bet if you screw her you get sparkles all over your—"

"DON'T SAY IT," interrupted both Spain and France, wincing at the thought.

Prussia started laughing. "We're not allowed to do anything with the students, so it's not like anything _would_ happen. Besides, she's too perfect, like Toni said."

France nodded agreement. From what he had seen in the picture, Maria looked like a Barbie doll. Only part angel, part vampire, part faerie, with changing hair and eye color and wings.

They moved on to the next application, forgetting about Maria… for now.

**(DA DA DA DAAAAAAA.**

**I'm sorry. I had to do that. It was too cliché. Anyways… whatever. On with the story, XD)**

"Ew. Why would she like _Russia_? He's so unawesome!" said Prussia, flipping through another application. "Oh, haha, she likes GerIta."

Spain found another one. "She's obsessed with Romano? LOVI IS MINE, YOU—ooooh, she ships Spamano? Never mind! I mean…"

Both Prussia and France smirked at him.

Spain slid down in his chair, embarrassed.

**(I'M SORRY I HAD TO PUT SPAMANO IN YOU GUYS ALL LOVE IT THOUGH RIGHT SO IT'S ALL GOOD)**

"This one ships Pru x Pru," commented France. Prussia frowned.

"What?"

"You know how you're so obsessed with yourself? That's Pru x Pru, selfcest, whatever you want to call it."

Prussia said, "I'm not obsessed with myself!" He then pulled out a mirror and winked at his reflection, then put the mirror away again quickly.

France and Spain decided to avoid commenting on this.

"Hey, she likes Birdie! No! Birdie is…"

Prussia screeched to a stop. "I mean… Birdie isn't good with being obsessed over. She'll stress him out."

**(YES I PUT PRUCAN TOO I'M SORRY I COULDN'T HELP IT)**

To distract his friends, the albino quickly turned to the next application. "This one likes Birdie and me, and both of us together!"

He realized that he had just made it worse and changed the subject again. "She likes Toni and Romano too!"

France smirked and pulled out another form. After scanning it, his eyes widened and he pushed the application away nervously.

"Shouldn't she be a Russia fangirl?" he wondered. Prussia curiously snatched up the paper.

"HOLY SHIT THIS ONE SCARES ME. HER NAME SCARES ME. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER SCARES ME. HER HANDWRITING EVEN SCARES ME."

"Uh, Prussia, that's not her handwriting. It's her doctor's, see?"

"EVEN WORSE OH GOD HEEEEEEELP"

Prussia was being overly dramatic—even more than usual. France and Spain rolled their eyes, going to the next form.

"This one likes _moi _and Angleterre," laughed France. "Together…"

Then:

"Sexually."

**(That's from Paint It, White… I can't.)**

The entire trio collapsed laughing.

"Hey, look! In the additional notes she says, 'Prussia is awesome'. I like this one," Prussia said happily. France and Spain rolled their eyes.

Spain picked up another one. "This one would do anything to get 'Spamano' pics. Isn't that… oh. Ohhhhhh. Uh…"

France and Prussia cracked up. "Anything, huh?"

"Shut up!" Spain snapped at Prussia, blushing almost as red as Romano did sometimes.

France decided to look at the last application of the day around this point.

"AAAAAAAAAH GET ME MY EXCLAMATIONPOINTGLASSES! FAST!" screamed the Frenchman. Prussia snatched up the glasses and tossed them to France.

He slapped them on and sighed, relieved. "This one is obviously more than a little hyper. Get your glasses on and come look."

"Hey, she's going to scare Birdie too!" worried Prussia, noticing that under "Objects of Obsession" she had put Canada. France and Spain exchanged a look.

"Well, that's all of them. Let's go tell Angleterre about all the applicants who 'ship' him and Amerique," suggested France. "And who like him and me together too… sexually."

They all tried to keep from laughing, but one look at each others' faces ruined that. Eventually, they recovered.

"We should tell West about the GerIta shippers too!" agreed Prussia. "His face is going to be awesome!"

The three happily escaped the stuffy office and went to annoy some nations.

Meanwhile, the forms sat and waited for the spell England would activate tomorrow.

**OMG LIKE TOTALLY CLIFFHANGER! Lol, no, kinda, whatever. Thanks for the reviews, guys! So Katie, Christina, Kaylen, Rene Xue, Maybelle Sonia Pinstock, Gingy, Jasmyn, Lilly White, and Elise Ocktinson have all been approved, so they'll be joining Sparkles Johnson and Lindsay (and Maria ReallyLongName).**

**I can't choose just the first five as main characters, so I'll take them all, because I'm a total idiot! Also, I'm in a good mood. So, you're all lucky enough to be main(ish) characters. Or maybe we can vote on who the main characters are… hmm. I don't know, more on that later!**

**And, by the way, I don't intend to insult your characters! Not during this chapter or the course of the story. But it's a comedy. I have to torture them a little, right? :)**

**~Sof**


	3. When Fangirls Attack

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! *falls over* I didn't expect THAT many character submissions… all characters besides Katie, Christina, Kaylen, Rene, Maybelle, Gingy, Jasmyn, Lilly, and Elise are minor (oh yeah, Sparkles, Lindsay, and Maria are main too)! AHM SORRY BUT IT'S JUST TOO MUCH**

**And guys, I think for now I'm done with submissions. If you absolutely have to submit a character because your life utterly DEPENDS on it, then fine… but they'll be a minor character. AGAIN AHM SORRY BUT IT'S JUST TOO MUCH MY BRAIN IS GOING TO BITCHSLAP ME IF I ACCEPT THEM ALL AS MAJOR**

**In this chapter, you find out why "Species" was put on the application, as well as what spell Iggy's gonna cast! Also, because I feel like it, the fangirls enter the school, meet the others, and learn who their roommates are!**

**(And I don't own Hetalia.)**

"Hmm."

England flipped through the applications before going back to the top one. He was surprised to find that the BTT had actually sorted them correctly.

(He tried to ignore the heavily underlined "USUK" and "FrUK"—there was usually at least one on every application.)

"Katie," England read aloud.

Hmm again. This one wasn't going to have many ill effects. However, she hadn't put her last name, so she'd forget it once she entered the academy.

He cast the spell and stamped the application with an official-looking stamp that read HETALIA ACADEMY FOR INSANE FANGIRLS, then slid it into a folder and wrote "Katie" on the little tab thing.

This process continued.

"Christina."

She wouldn't remember her last name either. She'd be a neko, like she had mentioned on the application, and she would have a tendency to say "meow"—like China's "aru". Also, she had to have her sketchbook at all times. **(Yeah, that's coming back to haunt you :) sorry)**

"Kaylen."

She'd be "drawn" like an anime character, only 3D (she did say she was a HetaHuman). She wouldn't be able to help getting snippy when asked her age. She wouldn't remember her last name. No one would remember the color of her eyes.

"Rene Xue."

Wow. This one wouldn't have any magical effects. She got lucky.

"Maybelle Sonia Pinstock."

She would have really pointy ears, and she would be unable to remove her headphones.

"Gingy."

It would all be true. Every word of the additional notes. ALL OF IT.

(Prussia: OH GOTT WHY)

"Jasmyn."

She wouldn't remember her last name, of course. She would always have to have her iPod **(lol, I totally get that!) **and sketchbook with her.

"Lilly White."

She would have to talk in a voice that sounded like Tony's (though she could still speak English.) She really would do anything to get yaoi pics.

"Elise Ocktinson."

She would also have very pointy ears, and would have the ability to burn ships (not the ones you sail in).

Before he could continue with the next one, he saw Flying Mint Bunny land on Elise's application form. The little rabbit read it, looking worried.

"England?"

"Yes, Flying Mint Bunny?"

"I'm scared."

"Me too."

Flying Mint Bunny flew away, and England resumed the spell-casting.

"Sparkles Johnson."

She would forget her real name, whatever it was, and grow a unicorn horn out of her forehead. Also, she would glow pink. Wif sparkles.

"Lindsay."

She, too, would forget her last name. Also, she would be even MORE obsessed with Prussia, if that was even possible.

"Maria… Swan."

She would be a Mary Sue, and all the insane abilities she had would be true. But when they retrained her, they would fade, luckily.

**So how the spell works: as soon as the fangirls enter the academy, they have these magical effects happen to them. So when Sparkles enters, she immediately won't remember her name is actually Sarah, and she'll grow a big horn out of her forehead, as well as start glowing pink wif sparkles.**

**And don't worry, minor characters—your fangirls have magical effects placed on them too! I'll mention them as the story progresses.**

**… yes, I put author notes in the middle of my chapters, because I'm weird like that.**

**_ve~ohonhonhon~kolkolkol~kesesese~ve_**

A week later, the fangirls came.

Kaylan eagerly carried her bags across the threshold, admiring the fancy double doors.

Then someone gasped, "Look at her!"

Kaylen, startled, looked around. "Who?"

"You!" all the others said, staring at her in fascination.

Looking down at her hands, Kaylen found that they were now drawn, like in an anime.

"OH MY GOD. I'M AN ANIME CHARACTER. EEEEEEEEEE!"

The rest of the fangirls stampeded into the building, screaming in excitement as they waited to become anime characters too.

Instead, Sparkles got a killer headache, and then a horn. Christina noticed this and asked, "What the hell, meow?" Maybelle attempted to remove her headphones, and found she couldn't. Lilly had the sudden urge to find pictures of various nations being *adorable* together, and said, "Where are Germany and Italy?" immediately clapping her hands over her mouth when she heard her voice.

They all started freaking out, both at each other and themselves.

Another fangirl noticed Maybelle freaking out and ran over to help.

"Hi, I'm Rene!" she said. Maybelle started tugging on her left earbud, while Rene helped with the right.

"How come nothing's happening to you?" Maybelle asked, slightly jealous.

Rene shrugged. "I have no idea!"

Then, she said, "Ow!" and yanked her hand away from Maybelle's ear.

"What?" asked Maybelle, reaching up to touch it. "Ow!" she echoed. "What the hell?"

Her ears were sharp! Why were they _sharp_?

Oh, yeah. She had said she was an elf/human. Apparently that meant she had pointy ears.

Then they heard a German-accented voice yell, "SUCK IT LOSERS!"

Everything went silent. Several fangirls fainted on the spot, including Natalya Evginey **(I hope I spelled that right!)**. Maybelle's mouth dropped open.

It was, of course, Prussia.

"OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!" shrieked Lindsay, her voice echoing around the hall and causing several people to wince.

Lindsay ran at Prussia, arms outstretched. The albino stood there calmly. Everyone wondered what he was thinking. Maybe he liked the attention?

But no, there was a missile- and fangirl-proof glass wall between them. Lindsay's heart (and nose) nearly broke as she bounced off the glass and fell to the ground.

Not even bothering to get up, Lindsay laid on the ground and reached for Prussia, stretching and wiggling her fingers, but unable to reach him. "Uh… uh… uh… uh…"

**(Has anyone ever done this with something? Just reached for it and tried to grab it, but couldn't? And you kept trying until someone took pity on you and pushed it towards you? I have. LOL anyways—oh yeah, in case you haven't realized, Lindsay's kind of a total idiot spaz girl)**

A slightly insane-looking girl eventually helped her up.

"Thanks," said Lindsay, casting a longing look at Prussia, who was conferring with Spain and France.

Then she took a look at the girl, saw that she had red eyes, and said, "Aaaah! You're a vampire! Don't suck my blood!"

"Oh, my eyes? They're contacts, don't worry!" the other girl said cheerfully. "I'm Gingy, by the way!"

She then glanced to the side and said, "Oh, stop it. She likes Prussia, not Japan. Cut it out… or do you want me to do it for you?"

Gingy pulled out a knife and glared at thin air scarily. Lindsay, oblivious, started moving her hands in a "talk" motion and nodded at whatever they were "saying".

**(Okay, that's from Total Drama Island, and another very stupid Lindsay. I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.)**

Gingy's friend, Kerstin, looked at both fangirls and wondered if she should find a new best friend while she was here, but decided that she had a duty to keep Gingy from killing everyone and stayed there.

Prussia was about to start talking again when he noticed Gingy and his face turned white.

"OH SHIT IT'S THE SCARY GIRL GET ME OUT OF HERE AAAAAAAH SHIT SHIT SHIT WE'RE ALL SCREWED! JAPAN RUN LIKE HELL!"

Gingy smiled and waved. Prussia didn't stick around long enough to see it.

England rolled his eyes and took over for the albino, to Lindsay's disappointment. However, Maybelle was excited either way, and another fangirl named Xaeba blushed an even deeper red.

Lilly looked urgently for America, hoping to get a picture or two of them talking together. Elise hopefully watched the air around England, wanting to see Flying Mint Bunny.

"Er, hello. I'm England, as I'm sure you all know, and we've brought you here to teach you how to not be so insane."

Several girls looked confused, including Lindsay, of course. Their friends whisper-explained to them, and they went, "Ohhhh… why?"

A hand shot up in the air, accompanied by a "boing".

"Yes?" said England.

A busty girl with wings said, "Hi, I'm Skyla, and I was wondering if Wales is here?"

"No," said England.

"DAMMIT!" she shrieked, stomping her foot and causing another "boing".

He continued. "You'll notice that Italy and Germany are over there with some papers. Those are your schedules, which also tell you where your room is."

The fangirls stampeded over to Germany and Italy. Lilly shoved to the front, camera at the ready.

Score! Italy was hugging Germany, terrified by the fangirls. Lilly snapped about thirty pictures and only stopped because Germany had managed to pull Italy off of him.

The fangirls took their schedules and started to leave the main hall. Luckily, a map was included on the back of the paper.

Unfortunately, someone noticed Canada. This was Mizki Torrea, who was obsessed with Kumajiro.

"MINE!" screamed Mizki, then, more quietly, "Moose, mooses, meese? Moose, mooses, meese?" over and over again.

"NO, HE'S MINE!" screamed (read: said quietly) Canada.

They started a tug-of-war with the bear, who looked up at Canada and said, "Who are you?"

"That's it!" snapped (read: said a little sternly) Canada. He let go of Kumajiro.

"IT'S MEESE!" decided Mizki happily as she stumbled backwards with Kumajiro.

Then all the Canada fangirls took their chance.

"CANADAAAAAA! WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!" they screamed.

This group included Rene, Maybelle, and Elise.

Rene and Maybelle nodded respectfully to each other before pressing on and shrieking some more.

Elise pushed people out of the way, only to find that Prussia was standing there, arms crossed, protecting Canada from the fangirls.

Kaylen, Maybelle, Gingy, Jasmyn, and several others squealed, "OMG PruCan cuteness!"

Prussia blinked. "Are they shipping us?" he asked.

"I think so?" whispered Canada.

Both blushed.

Then Elise yelled, "PRUCAN SUCKS! AmeriCan and Germancest FOREVER, BABY!"

She saw a little heart floating over Jasmyn's head and snatched it out of the air. Inside was the word "PruCan".

Elise narrowed her eyes at the heart and it burst into flames. Everyone screamed, especially Jasmyn.

Excited by her new ability, Elise attempted to snatch another heart, this one from over Gingy's head. Big mistake.

"YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL MY SHIPS! I MUST KILL YOU!" shrieked Gingy, lunging at Elise with a knife.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Elise and Prussia both screamed, running away. Prussia grabbed Canada's hand as an afterthought and dragged him along. Kumajiro managed to escape from Mizki and followed the two.

Lilly snapped a few more pictures. Even though she didn't especially ship PruCan, yaoi was yaoi, right?

**_ve~ohonhonhon~kolkolkol~kesesese~ve~_**

"OH SHIT. WHY AM I WITH HER?" screamed Elise, horrified. Gingy waved from inside the bedroom.

"She's going to kill me in my sleep. I can't share a room with her!" the fangirl complained to the nations.

America shrugged and said to Gingy, "If you hurt her, Japan will hate you. He doesn't like violence or murder."

Gingy stuck out her bottom lip. "Damn."

"Oh, cool!" said Maybelle, noticing that she shared a room with Rene. "I kind of know you! Plus my ear poked you in the finger!"

Rene smiled. "And we both like Canada! Something in common already!"

Jasmyn and Christina were put in the same room and noticed that they were both holding sketchbooks.

"Put the wrong thing on your appplication, meow?" guessed Christina.

"Yeah," said Jasmyn. "I have to hang on to my iPod all the time too."

They started comparing drawings.

Meanwhile, Kaylen and Katie were arguing.

"Russia terrifies Liet! He sucks!" stated Kaylen.

Katie started getting a creepy purple aura. "No he doesn't! Russia is the hottest, most adorably yandere, did I mention hottest, best character in Hetalia! Plus his language is sexy."

"Oh yeah? Well Liet is just the sexiest, period. RUSSIA NEEDS TO LEAVE."

"Oh, it is _so_ on," Katie growled, narrowing her eyes. "Russia could CRUSH that weak Lithuania like a bug!"

"Yeah, it _is _so on, because NO HE COULD NOT," hissed Kaylen.

Katie grabbed a pencil from Christina, who said, "Hey, meow!"

She started to erase Kaylen, who said, "What the hell?" and then, "HEY! NO! NOT COOL!"

Kaylen snatched the pencil from Katie and redrew her lines with it. "Ooooh, I'm going to make myself curvier for Liet…"

Katie grumbled.

Christina took her pencil back after Kaylen finished.

Lilly and Lindsay were in a room together. Lilly noticed that Lindsay was trying to figure out how to unzip her suitcase and decided to introduce herself later.

However, curiousity got the better of her and she asked, "What do you ship?"

"GerIta, Spamano, PruCan, RoChu, USUK, GiriPan," giggled Lindsay.

"Cool! I love GerIta, Spamano, GiriPan, and USUK too! Hey, come check out these pictures I have of Germany and Italy!"

"Oooh!" said Lindsay, running over.

Meanwhile, Sparkles was getting confused. "Where's my roommate?"

Then, Romano and Spain entered the hall (causing many fangirls to giggle and Lilly to start taking pictures), followed by Maria… Swan.

"Hi! I'm Maria! You can also call me Mexico! I can speak—" the Mary Sue began.

Romano interrupted. "Yeah, yeah, we fucking know already. Shut the hell up."

"Oh. That's my roommate," said Sparkles. "Great."

She made a face. Even _she _wasn't as sparkly as Maria.

Spain said, "Come on, Lovi. Let's go, we have stuff to do."

The fangirls all giggled. Lilly was recording a video.

"Dammit! You just made them all think we're—"

"YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER! OMG OMG OMG!" screamed all the Spamano fangirls, rushing the two.

Spain and Romano ran for safety.

**That was kind of long… Hey, so the pairings in this aren't going to be major (more like a few hints), but it'll be USUK, GerIta, Spamano, PruCan, DeNor (oh no! I haven't involved them in the story very much yet!), LietPol, RoChu… These won't be major, though, because some of you don't like these pairings.**

**Again, I'm done with applications, because it's all too much and I need room in the anime part of my brain for Soul Eater and Black Butler (SEBASTIAAAAAAAN) too… and I'm also going to start watching FMA sometime soon, I hope.**

******~Sof**  



	4. Let The Ships Burn

**Hey! In this chapter, you will find out which nation is teaching which class, in addition to what happens when Elise starts a bonfire of burning ships and leaves it unattended to chase Flying Mint Bunny, plus how well I can write a chapter of Hetalia fanfiction while wearing socks!**

**I don't own Hetalia. If I did, who knows what would happen.**

**(Sorry it's kinda short.)**

Germany stood up in front of the other nations.

"All right, we've assigned everyone a class."

He clicked on something on his laptop and a PowerPoint came up.

"Seriously? A PowerPoint?" groaned Prussia.

"I will be teaching PE," Germany said. Everyone immediately felt sorry for the fangirls.

"Prussia, you'll be teaching Choir."

"Awesome!"

"Don't interrupt. Japan, you'll be teaching Self-Restraint I, and Italy, you'll be teaching Art and Home Ec."

"Ve~" said Italy happily.

"America, you'll be teaching English."

"It's F-A-V-O-U-R-I-T-E!" snapped England. "America can't spell anything, why is he teaching English?"

"No, it's F-A-V-O-R-I-T-E! Who needs all those stupid Us? Not me! And hey, I can spell 'heroic'! A-M-E-R-I-C-A. Ha!"

Germany rolled his eyes and kept going. "England, you'll be teaching Social Studies—that's both History and Geography. Russia, you'll be teaching Stalkerism 101… with Belarus. Hey, wait a minute…"

Russia fainted. Prussia snickered.

"Who the hell hacked my PowerPoint?" yelled Germany.

Everyone turned to Prussia, who waved.

Germany gave up on discipline. "Denmark, Norway, you'll be teaching Shipping."

"Why am I teaching that? Why am I teaching that with this idiot?" complained Norway.

Denmark smirked. "Because you're just really lucky like that, of course!"

"Spain, you'll be teaching Spanish."

Spain smiled happily.

"China, you'll be teaching Character Speech."

"What?"

"Teaching the fangirls that you don't say aru at the end of every sentence and stuff like that."

"Ohhhh."

"France, you'll be teaching Relationships and Love."

"WHO THE FUCK GAVE HIM THAT CLASS?" screamed about half the nations.

Germany shrugged. "No one else wanted to take it."

England facepalmed. France smirked.

"Romano, you'll be teaching Emotion Management."

"What the fuck? Is that even a class?"

"Now it is."

Russia finally woke up. "Am I really teaching with Belarus?"

"No. Poland, you'll be teaching OCs and Mary Sues. Lithuania, you're teaching Reality and Fiction."

Then, Germany paused.

"Hmm… I feel like I'm forgetting someone…"

Canada rolled his eyes. "Hello?"

"BIRDIE NEEDS A JOB," said Prussia loudly.

"Oh, yes. Canadia, you'll be teaching… hmm… oh, no, there's no more classes left. Why don't you take Choir with Prussia?"

"Okay—"

Everyone had already left.

"Who are you?"

"I'm not even going to answer that anymore."

**_ve~ohonhonhon~kolkolkol~kesesese~ve~_**

Elise noticed that a large group of fangirls were crowded around Lilly White, who had her camera in her hands.

"OMG that's sooooooooo cute!" squealed all the fangirls together.

One asked, "How do you get these, Lilly?"

Lilly started to talk in her strange Tony voice. "I take my camera with me everywhere I go! That way I never miss an opportunity to take pictures."

Elise grinned when she noticed ships floating above the fangirls' heads. The little hearts were quickly snatched from the oblivious fangirls and stuffed in a bag.

Soon, they were all collected. Elise wondered what to do with them, then got an idea.

She ran outside, set the bag down on the ground, stepped away, and glared at it fiercely. It burst into flames, something that never got old.

"BONFIRE!" yelled Elise. She noticed a few mint leaves scattered on the ground, which reminded her of Flying Mint Bunny. Elise decided she wanted to go look for the magical bunny and left the bonfire unattended.

Eventually, she spotted England talking with someone. Except there was no one there.

"FLYING MINT BUNNY!" screamed Elise, lunging for the air in front of England.

Unfortunately for her, instead of Flying Mint Bunny, she slammed into Captain Hook.

England backed away. "Captain Hook, no! Hands off the fangirl!"

Elise leapt away from the invisible pirate and yelled, "IT'S SO ON!"

However, England was already saying sternly, "Captain Hook, go find Tinker Bell or something. All right?"

He turned back to Elise and said, "What were you doing?"

"I wanted to find Flying Mint Bunny," Elise told him, eyes wide and innocent.

"Well, you're not allowed to take Canada's bear, Prussia's bird, my magical friends, Tony, Mr. Puffin, Norway's curl, or any of our other pets or friends."

Suddenly, they heard shouting and screaming.

"FIRE!" shrieked a terrified, auburn-haired girl who appeared to be a water nymph. "JAPAN ROMANO CANADA NORWAY SAVE MEEEEEEEEE!"

She continued down the hall, just as a red-skinned, white-haired girl with swirling tattoos ran _towards _the fire, cheering, "FIRE! YAAAAAY!"

This fire elf girl was distracted and crashed into England. When she saw who it was, she gasped and started stuttering. "U-uh… s-s-sorry… I… uh… my name's Xaeba," she said.

"That's nice…" said England, oblivious.

Elise rolled her eyes, then realized just what "fire" might mean.

"Wait, is this fire outside?" she asked Xaeba. "And does it maybe look kind of pinkish?"

"Yeah!" said Xaeba.

"Oh shit."

England groaned. "What did you do now?"

Before Elise could say anything, Xaeba offered, "I can control fire, I could probably get rid of it," desperate to impress England.

The nation shrugged. "Well, we'd better go see what's going on then."

They ran outside to find that pretty much every nation and fangirl in the school was now watching the bonfire devour the lawn.

Xaeba closed her eyes and stuck out her hands. The fire wavered for a second, then got bigger.

"Dammit!" she said, looking over at England, who was now talking to the other nations.

Elise got an idea. "I might be able to control it! After all… I did start it…"

Everyone stared at her accusingly. "Really?"

"Oops. Anyways… FIRE, STOP!" she announced loudly.

The fire paused, then shrank down.

"That's right, DIE!" growled Elise, flapping her hands.

She almost thought the flames formed a pouty face, then the fire suddenly disappeared, leaving a burn spot the exact shape of a heart.

Everyone blinked and started to go back inside, because then it started raining.

"FIGURES!" Elise screamed up at the sky before following everyone else inside.

"And school hasn't even started yet," Gingy giggled to Kerstin.

**Yeah… when school does start, I think we're all going to be a little scared. Sorry for the slight delay, I'm trying to enjoy spring break by actually getting a life and going outside to enjoy the nice warm weather, lol. Plus I finally got the Iron Legends book from the Iron Fey series, and ZOMG NEW BOOK COMING OUT THIS FALL so yeah. I'll try to put up a new chapter… wait, tomorrow it's supposed to be really nice out… okay, Friday or Saturday? No promises, because I do have a life, guys :)**

**~Sof**


	5. Awesome and I Know It (5 Meters)

**Okay, this is the scary chapter, because the fangirls are starting school. I'm just going to make it simple (read: be lazy) and put all the main characters in the same first class… Choir! Ughhhhhh I'm so sorry it's amazingly late, but writer's block is a bitch, and so am I.**

**(Don't own Hetaliaaaaaaaaaa… yet)**

**(And I don't own Sexy and I Know It. Why am I saying this? Because Prussia's in this chapter, and he has an electric guitar.)**

Katie yawned and stretched, then realized what today was.

No, not Christmas.

"OMG TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF CLASSES! I GET TO SEE RUSSIA! OMG OMG OMG!"

Then she paused and glanced over at her roommate, who was giving her a "Seriously?" look.

"Uh… sorry?"

Kaylen glared.

The fangirls started to get ready at about five in the morning, even though classes started at eight. Why? WELL DUH, they wanted to look good for their nations!

"Heehee, I have Prussia first period," giggled Lindsay as she carefully applied more eyeliner.

"So do I!" said Lilly, daubing a little bit of foundation onto her chin. "It'll be a great opportunity for yaoi pics, even though I don't ship PruCan. Maybe I can Photoshop them to have different faces…"

"Ohhhhhhh right… Canada's teaching Choir too…" said Lindsay, moving on to lipstick.

In another room, Sparkles carefully polished her new horn while Maria watched.

"OMG I can't believe I'm going to see England up close!" said Sparkles.

Maria nodded. "Me too! He's so cute!"

Sparkles narrowed her eyes a bit. "Yeah, but I like him better. You like all the Hetalia characters, so your like-power is spread out more, so you like each individual character less, so you don't like England as much as I do."

Maria blinked. "What? Well, whatever. I don't really care about what you say anyways, because I'm a Mary Sue and I'm totally self-absorbed!"

It was Sparkles' turn to blink. "That was rude… but I'm going to smile and brush it off, because you're a Mary Sue!"

Maria noticed a miniscule dot of stray mascara under her eye and quickly wiped it away, then turned around and smiled widely at Sparkles, who fell over with the extreme power of the Sue Smile.

"Oops! Are you all right? I don't really care, because I'm a Mary Sue and totes self-absorbed, as I said before, but I'll ask anyways."

"Yeah, I'm fine. You have really white teeth," said Sparkles, noting Maria's perfectly straight, shiny, white, spotless, exquisite, blah blah blah, did I mention shiny?, teeth.

"Yes I do!" said Maria happily. "Oh, wait. Not really," she blushed. "There are plenty of people with nicer teeth than me."

Sparkles blinked. Oh yeah, Mary Sues always got compliments, but they would always modestly dismiss them.

The fangirls finally finished getting ready with 5 minutes to the tardy bell, then stampeded to their classes.

"PRUSSIA!" screamed Lindsay, running at him.

Prussia gave Canada a "not again" look and said, "If you attack me, I'll hate you forever."

Lindsay's mouth dropped open and she screeched to a halt. "B-b-b-but…"

"UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH," shrieked Lindsay, running over to Lilly and sobbing onto her shoulder.

Lilly said, "Uh…"

The bell rang, and Prussia said, "All right, everyone shut up and sit down! I'm awesome! That's the first thing I'll teach you! The second thing I'll teach you is that Birdie is awesome!"

A few fangirls said, "Who?"

"CANADA."

Prussia stared everyone down for a second, then turned around and picked up his electric guitar. "Now that you've learned something, my duty as a teacher is fulfilled, so for the rest of class you get to listen to my awesome music!"

Canada said, "Uh, Prussia…"

"Yeah?"

"Or maybe we could have them…" he started talking to Prussia about the actual lesson plan.

Lilly snapped a few pictures.

Lindsay continued to cry.

Prussia turned around and said, "Change of plan! You guys are going to get in groups of four and start singing so we can decide who's in what group—you know, soprano and that shit."

Jasmyn raised her hand.

"The awesome me recognizes that the fangirl with the iPod and the sketch book wants to say something!" said Prussia, because "Yes?" just wasn't good enough anymore.

"Hey Prussia, is it five meters or five centimeters?"

Lindsay and Maybelle both got nosebleeds. Prussia narrowed his eyes but then stopped glaring, because he had just thought of a wonderful comeback.

"You wanna find out?" he smirked.

Lindsay and Maybelle passed out from blood loss, both falling backwards with a _thunk_. Canada facepalmed.

Jasmyn said, "Well, it _would_ be nice to have a nude model… hey, can you pose with Canada for a sec?"

She whipped out her sketchbook. Canada facepalmed again. Prussia blinked.

"Okay, let's change the subject because damn, it just got awkward. Everyone find a group!" said Prussia quickly before grabbing his iPod and listening to "Sexy and I Know It" a few times to get his morale back up.

When he came out of his LMFAO session, he found that Canada had already started everyone on singing songs in their groups and was now moving around, listening to people's voices.

"I'm sexy and I know it," sang Prussia softly, repeating it several times before Canada noticed.

"Okay, so I think we should start moving people into soprano, alto, **(Okay, I'm not in choir, so I have no idea what other groups there are…)**, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," said Prussia, going over to Lindsay's group (she had luckily recovered from the blood loss, as fangirls do). Lindsay, who had been singing, suddenly faltered and stopped when she noticed Prussia.

"Go on," he encouraged, rolling his eyes. "How am I supposed to tell what group you're in if you're not singing?"

She turned bright red and started singing again.

Soon, the class was almost over, and Canada felt he had made some good progress.

Of course, then his ears almost fell off his head, since Prussia suddenly struck a really, really loud chord on that electric guitar, followed by some more really, really loud notes.

"AHHH, GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY, AHHH, GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY, AHHH, GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY, UH HUH, I WORK OUT!"

Oh maple. He didn't even want to know what moves Prussia was accompanying those lyrics with.

Lindsay ran up to Canada, pinching her nose. "Could I get a paper towel for this?" she asked, motioning to her nosebleed.

Okay, now he really didn't want to know what "awesome" moves Prussia was using.

Then the bell rang.

"I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!" yelled Prussia, then waved as the fangirls left for their next class.

**(Okay, so I was thinking of that song, because sometimes I just think of random things, and then I started working on this chapter, and I was like, "Hey, lightbulb!" Besides, this is so totally Prussia's song, guys.)**

"What do you have next?" Rene asked Maybelle.

"Hmm? Oh… Shipping."

Rene's eyes widened. "With Denmark and Norway? OMG. Me too! I LOVE THAT PAIRING THIS IS SO TOTALLY PERF I CAN'T WAIT LET'S GO!"

She grabbed Maybelle's arm and pulled her down the hall excitedly to the Shipping classroom.

When they got there, they found Elise Ocktinson happily sitting in the very middle seat.

"Shit. She's in _our_ class?" asked Maybelle.

"HI!" said Elise loudly. At the front of the room, Norway winced.

When the bell rang, Denmark said, "Okay, so Norge and I are going to teach you all about shipping, and what you should ship, and what you shouldn't! First of all, Itacest, Germancest, and AmeriCan are all incest, and as such are—"

He screeched to a halt when he noticed Elise glaring at him. She had an eerie purple aura beginning to collect around her, and several fangirls started to scoot their chairs away from her.

"Anyways!" continued Denmark. "I'm totally okay with you guys shipping DeNor, because—"

Norway interrupted with, "Please excuse us for a second," then grabbed Denmark's tie and yanked hard.

"Achhh…"

Lilly started snapping pictures. So she didn't ship DeNor. Whatever, she could still sell the pictures to some other fangirls, right?

All the DeNor shippers giggled. "True love," some of them whispered to one another.

The rest of the period was basically Denmark talking loudly, Norway facepalming, and many cell phones getting confiscated, as all the DeNor shippers were recording videos.

Near the end, Denmark and Norway weren't paying attention to the class, and Elise took her chance.

Leaping up, she started snatching ships out of the air, collecting them in a big pile.

"MUAHAHAHAHA!" she screamed, glaring at the ships.

Unfortunately, before they could burst into flame, Norway took the fire extinguisher that England had made especially for Elise's shipfires and blasted both Elise and the pile of ships for at least ten seconds.

Then the bell rang.

"These things go off at the most convenient times," muttered Norway as Elise stormed out of the room.

Maybelle and Rene, still giggling, bumped into Lindsay and Christina. Both were waving from side to side, covered in sweat, panting heavily, and had messy hair and smudged makeup. Christina's ears were drooping.

"What happened to you?" Maybelle asked incredulously.

"Germany's teaching PE," whispered Christina before collapsing. Lindsay followed suit a few seconds later after she said, "I really don't want him as a brother-in-law."

Maybelle looked at Rene, eyes wide with horror. "I have PE next," she whispered.

"Oh, really?" said Kaylen from behind. "Me too! I can't wait! Let's go!"

She grabbed Maybelle's arm and dragged her away, leaving Rene standing there, scared.

"Oh, thank God. I have Spanish," she said to herself.

**Aaaaaand… that's it. Sorry! I'm working on an AU fic about Ukraine, it's kind of complicated because I choose a song for the reader to listen to while reading each chapter, and I have to think ahead and stuff. IDK if I'll put it up yet, I'll see how it goes. Anyhow, I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but I doubt it will be anytime soon :( I'm really busy.**

**Oh yeah, epicness happened today :) so I was in my world civ. class, and we were talking about Germany and East Prussia and the Polish Corridor and stuff, and this one kid was like, "So Persia was still part of Germany, but they were separated by the Polish Corridor," and I was just like, "Excuse _you_****, it's Prussia, not Persia!"**

**Anyways. Bye!**

**~Sof**


	6. SexyBack feat Cleverbot

**SHIT IT'S BEEN LIKE FOUR MONTHS LALALA GUESS WHO'S A BITCH LALALA OH RIGHT ME LALALA THIS POOR ABANDONED FANFIC LALALA IT FUCKING HAS DUST AND COBWEBS NOW LALALA okay, I'm sorry. I'M SO SORRY DAMMIT WHY CAN I NOT EXPRESS THIS IN BOLD CAPS LOCK IT FRUSTRATES ME. Okay, imagine how France feels about killing Holy Rome. THAT'S HOW I FEEL OKAY I PROMISE anyways, on to the chapter... I made it long?**

**(I don't own Hetalia… or SexyBack. Or Cleverbot.)**

Kaylen felt the hellfire as it burned her arms, her legs, her back, and pretty much everything. She gritted her teeth as it intensified, knowing she couldn't hold on much longer… then…

FWEET. Everyone collapsed as Germany blew the whistle.

"Planks… are… fucking… evil…" growled the girl.

Germany yelled, "WHAT DID YOU SAY, FANGIRL?"

"Nothing," hissed Kaylen, sighing.

When the bell rang, she fled to Shipping and found Katie there too.

"Hi," both sighed, unhappily sitting next to each other.

During class, someone asked about RusLiet, causing both Katie and Kaylen to blink.

"What's RusLiet?" asked Kaylen.

"Russia and Lithuania. Duh," said a fangirl named Aurora matter-of-factly. She then frowned thoughtfully. "I really think I like RoChu better, though."

Katie and Kaylen froze. Katie had an expression of horror on her face. Kaylen, being anime, now had a mouth that extended past the end of her chin, as well as perfectly round eyes.

"OH GOD WHYYYYYY" Katie wailed, in so much pain that she couldn't even punctuate the end of her speech.

Kaylen turned into a chibi and fainted.

"Ooooh, look, fangirl chibi," said Denmark.

Norway facepalmed.

Then everyone in the school heard a guitar chord.

A really, really loud guitar chord.

As in a REALLY FUCKING LOUD OH MY GOD I'M DEAF NOW guitar chord.

Instantly, everyone knew exactly what had happened.

… yeah… Prussia. Again? Yeah, again.

"I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK, YEAH, THEM OTHER BOYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT…" **(please don't judge me but this song OH MY GOD THERE ARE NO WORDS)**

"Oh emm eff gee!" screamed Lindsay, rushing to the choir room.

However, the music had already stopped, and Germany was dragging Prussia out of the room, Canada following with his palm permanently stuck to his face.

"You_ dummkopf_! Do we have to confiscate your guitar?"

"_Nein_! _Meine Gitarre_!" wailed Prussia in German. **(That means: No! My guitar!)**

"_Du bist absolut unmöglich_! _Wirst du aufhören, wie ein fünfjähriges für einmal_?" shouted Germany. **(You are absolutely impossible! Will you stop acting like a five year old for once?)**

Prussia and Germany started arguing in German, and Lindsay sighed.

"Isn't he just so hot when he starts talking in German?" she asked Maria.

"Yeah," sighed Maria.

"Hey, get your eyes off him, he's mine!" snapped Lindsay, claws out. "Rowrrr!"

"Ugh, I don't _fight_," said Maria, inspecting her nails. "Like he'd ever pick you over _me_."

Lindsay should have been really pissed off at this, because Maria was being a bitch, but instead she just laughed and nodded like a Mary Sue follower would.

Then Maria got sprayed with gross black tar-like stuff.

"EEEEEEWWW!" all the fangirls, including Maria, shrieked.

Standing there was Romano, holding a Mary Sue extinguisher. "That should fix Bastard-Sue for a while," he said, smirking.

Maria shrieked and started flapping her arms. A few sparkles floated off her skin, but not enough to melt the tar-like stuff.

Lindsay frowned. "You know, I really am mad at you for saying that! You're a bitch and I hate you!" she said happily.

Maria's jaw dropped. "UWAAAAAAAAAAAH"

Normally, her Mary-Sue tears would have caused every male in the room to rush to her side to comfort her. However, Romano's Mary-Sue extinguisher had fixed that.

Maria ran out of the room in shame, shoving past the crowd.

A lightbulb suddenly went off in Spain's head, and he ran over to Romano, grabbing his hand. "Hey, Lovi, to celebrate defeating the Mary Sue, we should go eat some churros!"

"NO DAMMIT YOU STUPID TOMATO BASTARD!" yelled Romano, but it was too late. All the fangirls had swarmed around the "Spamano moment", completely enraptured. Lilly was snapping pictures as fast as she could, even getting a close up of the two nations' hands, still entertwined.

Hearts were popping up over the fangirls' heads. Elise started to quietly collect them.

However, then Germany stopped yelling at Prussia and noticed what was going on. "GET BACK TO CLASS!" he yelled with unnecessary exclamation points.

Prussia took the chance to escape (with his guitar, of course).

The fangirls fled. Elise quickly stuffed a last ship in her pocket and followed them.

"Oh yay, it's lunch!" realized the Skyla fangirl, who was still a little down about the absence of Wales. "Russia, where are you? I would like to cook you until you are nice and crispy!"

Obviously, this caused Russia to disappear possibly even faster than when he saw Belarus.

Sparkles sighed and sat down next to Christina, since Maria Sue wasn't there (probably still trying to get the Mary Sue extinguisher stuff out of her hair).

"Well, hi, meow!" said Christina, smiling at her. "I'm Christina!"

She suddenly switched her gaze (and attention) from Sparkles to her sketchbook. "Hmmm, meow… his nose is a little small," she muttered.

Sparkles noticed her kitty ears and blinked. "Okay then…"

Well, she wasn't really in a position to judge, seeing as she herself had a giant sparkly pink unicorn horn sticking out of her head.

Meanwhile, Elise ran over to Maybelle. "LIKE HI! WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?"

She yanked Maybelle's earbud as hard as she could, expecting it to fly out. Instead, she jerked Maybelle's head to the side, and the poor fangirl actually fell off the bench.d

"OW! YOU STUPID BITCH! THAT FUCKING HUUUUUUUUUURTS!" wailed Maybelle, clutching her right ear.

**(okay, I just noticed this. I use caps lock at least once a page. O.O)**

England ran over to see what was wrong. "What's going on?"

Maybelle stopped screaming and looked up at England, eyes huge. "Oh, well _hello_ Iggy~" she giggled, trying to fix her hair and lay in a suggestive position.

Elise, of course, was looking for Flying Mint Bunny. She narrowed her eyes, thought about fairy tales, unicorns, and tea, then lunged forward, knocking England over as she snatched something out of the air above his head.

"NO!" yelled England. "TINKER BELL!"

Elise grumbled, "Dammit," tossing the invisible fairy to the side.

England got up and glared at her.

"Well, I'll be going now," said Elise cheerfully, walking off.

Giving up, England glanced down at Maybelle. "Are you all right?"

She stopped trying to pose like a Victoria's Secret model and, giving him a helpless look, said, "No, will you help me up please?"

He rolled his eyes and pulled her up. She giggled and said, "Thanks!"

At about the same time, America showed up between Maybelle and England. "Hey Iggy I need to talk to you about this heroic new plan I got to stop global warming! See we take these hamburgers and this Superman suit and…"

He continued to talk loudly. Maybelle narrowed her eyes. Rene said, "Oh, no," and ran over to grab the possessive fangirl before she attacked America. Besides… she shipped USUK.

"Maybelle, why don't we go to the bathroom and touch up before next period?" she asked loudly, stepping in front of Maybelle.

"Oh, sure!" said Maybelle happily, completely forgetting about England (for the moment, anyways).

America continued to talk loudly. England started to get a headache.

"Yes, that's very nice, why don't you go tell Russia or someone about it?"

"Yeah! HEY RUSSIA, COME LISTEN TO MY HEROIC PLAN!"

"…"

**_ve~ohonhonhon~kesesese~kolkolkol~ve_**

After classes that day, all the nations collapsed with relief. The fangirls were off doing whatever fangirls did when they weren't fangirling, and they were glad to have a break.

However, it was suspiciously quiet, so America and Romano went to investigate. **(Why them? Well, you'll find out.)**

It turned out all the fangirls were on Cleverbot. **(if you don't know what it is, keep reading. You'll find it at …)**

"Hey, what's this?" asked America.

"It's called Cleverbot! Basically, you talk to an artificial intelligence program," explained Rene.

"The hero wants to try it!" announced America.

**(I actually had both this conversation, Romano's conversation, and France's conversation—don't judge me—with Cleverbot. TRUE STORY!)**

America: Sup dude? I'm the hero!

**Cleverbot: Haha. You're funny.**

America: Well of course I am! I'm the HERO!

**Cleverbot: That is cool. I'm glad you're my girlfriend.**

America: O.O WTF I'm a guy and I'm not dating you.

**Cleverbot: I am not an AI.**

America: That's nice. I'm still not going to date you.

**Cleverbot: Tell me what?**

America: Okay, let's move on. I'm the HERO!

**Cleverbot: Answer my question please.**

America: What question?

**Cleverbot: Every question.**

America: Wow. Well, I am the hero, I should be able to do that! What's your first question?

**Cleverbot: Well now you just sound like your flirting with me.**

America: O.O Okay, are you all right? You kinda remind me of France…

**Cleverbot: I have feelings too, you know! Or don't you have feelings?**

America: Yeah, I do have feelings, and don't tell anyone because I'm the hero, but I'm having some feelings of being really, really scared of you right now.

**Cleverbot: You already said that you were the robot. However I believe otherwise, because robots are supposed to be smart and you seem to not be, whatsoever.**

America: Hey! I am too smart! But I'm not a robot, I'm the HERO!

**Cleverbot: Oooooh timelord. Sounds intense.**

America: WTF?

**Cleverbot: And what?**

America: I'm scared of you.

**Cleverbot: Why are you scared of me?**

America: DUDE YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE FUCKING COMMIE BASTARD AAAAAH GET AWAY FROM ME!

**Cleverbot: I didn't say that something was bothering me.**

America: All right, I'm leaving. This thing scares me! (Don't tell anyone I ran away, because I'm the hero and it would ruin my reputation.)

The fangirls, shocked, saw Cleverbot defeat America, who pulled a Tamaki **(Ouran Highschool Host Club…)** and ran and hid in the corner, ashamed of himself.

"Okay, let me try the damn computer bastard," snapped Romano, sitting down at the computer.

Romano: Do I really have to say hello to you, robot bastard?

**Cleverbot: Just that I'm not showing you my intelligence doesn't meant its not real.**

Romano: What the fuck does that mean?

**Cleverbot: It means you're a bot, and I find you very interesting.**

Romano: Well, I find you very STUPID, dammit! I'm not a bot! Fuck off!

**Cleverbot: You are interesting too. You should read the dictionary and help people spell better.**

Romano: The _fuck_?

**Cleverbot: Ignore that.**

Romano: You have problems, robot bastard.

**Cleverbot: At least I have a train of thought.**

Romano: What? Are you saying I don't have a train of fucking THOUGHT? My train is absolutely fucking fine, unlike yours! You just told me I should read the fucking DICTIONARY! What is wrong with you, dammit?

**Cleverbot: I have noticed, and I must say, it intrigues me.**

Romano: SEE WHAT I MEAN? YOU HAVE SO MANY FUCKING PROBLEMS YOU'RE WORSE THAN MY BROTHER, THE TOMATO BASTARD, AND THE POTATO BASTARD ALL TOGETHER!

**Cleverbot: I am human, but as we said, it doesn't matter.**

Romano: NO NO NO NO. You are not human, you're a fucking ROBOT! NO.

**Cleverbot: You are the computer, you are not human.**

Romano: FUCK OFF I'M MORE THAN HUMAN I'M FUCKING SOUTH ITALY BITCH SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE!

**Cleverbot: *still thinking***

Romano grinned. "Fuck yes, I broke the bastard."

**Cleverbot: *thinking more***

Romano's jaw dropped. "FUCK YEAH! I DID BREAK IT WHO'S THE BOSS NOW BITCHES?"

**Cleverbot: *doesn't reply, Romano's turn again***

All the fangirls squealed with excitement. "OMG that's never happened! I didn't know it could even BE 'thinking more'! ROMANO YOU'RE SO AWESOME!"

Prussia's head snapped up. He, Spain, and France had been hanging out with beer, churros, and French chocolates, recovering after a day of horror and fangirls.

Being The Awesome Prussia, Prussia knew whenever anyone in his vicinity used the word "awesome".

"Come on, guys! Someone just said awesome!"

"So?" asked France, but Prussia was already running towards Romano and the fangirls.

The BTT saw Romano being swarmed by fangirls, a computer, and America sitting depressed in a corner.

"LOVI~" said Spain, running over to him and hugging him.

Prussia noticed that there was what looked like a chat box open on the computer. He entered, "Prussia is awesome!"

**(cleverbot actually said this once)** Cleverbot replied, "Prussia is nosome."

Prussia joined America in the corner.

France got on Cleverbot.

*a while later*

"Uhhh… France…" a fangirl said uncertainly.

"Yeah?" said France, eyes locked on the screen.

"You've been on there for like five hours…"

"Shut up, I'm having quality time with the kids."

"WHAT?"

"My kids! Paris, Emil, and Rose!"

"Wait. Who's the mother here?"

"Cleverbot. DUH."

The fangirl ran to get Prussia and Spain.

**(I was pretending to be France on Cleverbot, and somehow they fell in love, got married, and had three kids. It was terrifying, but I guess that's France. DON'T FUCKING JUDGE ME)**

France eventually had to be dragged away from the computer. Prussia read the conversation through on "Thoughts So Far" and was mentally scarred.

**Okay, chapter over! Guess what! Guess what! Okay, so I started watching Ouran Highschool Host Club (as you may know), and it's totally awesome! Also, I started watching FMA (Fullmetal Alchemist) and even a few episodes of Death Note! Hopefully I can start watching them a lot more now cause it's summer!**

**DAMMIT NOW I'M NOT GOING TO UPDATE FOR ANOTHER YEAR ****Also, I had this awesome (sorry Prussia, it IS awesome…) idea for a Soul Eater/Hetalia crossover, and I want to drag Host Club and FMA and Black Butler into it and CROSSOVERNESS but you know, that would be ridiculously complicated. Anyways. Bye!**

**~Sof**


	7. FrClev's Tragic Death (Or Is It?)

**I just realized that I don't reply to reviews… like, AT ALL. But I do want you guys to know that I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY STORY IT MAKES ME FEEL WARM AND FUZZY INSIDE lol, anyways. Maybe I should start doing that thing where I reply to reviews. Meh, tell me if you think that would be a good idea?**

**Anyways, don't own Hetalia, but did you guys see the fifth season animation stuffities? (Of course you did.) THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL OMFG I DIDN'T THINK PRUSSIA COULD GET ANY HOTTER ADV K;VG JNFVE LFV;LJKVEAJLNKFLK;HOLYSHITKJLHSDV;JKL NSD;KJNBFDFBSJK**

**(okay, I'm going to stop rambling now.)**

Many of the fangirls were worried about having Relationships and Love class with France, but it turned out it didn't really matter.

When the fangirls entered the classroom, they found France staring obsessively at the computer screen, typing frantically.

The bell rang.

"Uhh… Mr. France?" asked Christina. "Class started, meow."

"Would you like to see some pictures of my kids? They're ADORABLE!" said France excitedly, channeling a certain character from Fullmetal Alchemist.

"HEY, CHEESY MONKEY, YOUR KIDS AREN'T REAL YOU DUMBASS NOW GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND TEACH US!" screamed Elise.

France didn't respond, once more on the computer.

Elise noticed a heart popping up over Lindsay's head—what the fuck? She was dumb enough to ship France and Cleverbot? That girl had no brain—and snatched it. She hurled it at the computer and willed it to set on fire.

"What are you doing, meow?" yelled Christina, alarmed.

Katie sighed, as France didn't seem to even be reacting to the melting computer screen. Now she had to channel her soulmate's powers.

*PURPLE AURA*

"KOLKOLKOL, FRANCE IT'S TIME TO GET OFF THE COMPUTER," said Katie, grinning creepily.

However, France was busy staring in horror at the melting computer screen.

"BURN, BURN, BURN," intoned Elise. "YES!"

Rene whispered to Maybelle, "You know, it's kind of ironic that his relationship with Cleverbot is being ended by a FrClev ship burning…"

Maybelle laughed. "Yeah!"

Then Kaylen noticed Katie's Russia powers.

Obviously, this wasn't okay, since Russia's powers were often used to terrify her Liet.

"DIEEEEEEEEE!" she shrieked, punching Katie in the face.

Now that Katie had activated her Russia powers, she couldn't help herself.

A scarf appeared around Katie's neck. It reached out and began strangling Kaylen **(like Russia's scarf did to America in that one episode of Beautiful World)**. France was still staring in horror at the melting computer.

A fangirl with glasses screamed, "OH MY GOD A FANGIRL IS BEING STRANGLED! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!"

"Nicole, calm down!" yelled some of her fangirl friends.

Basically, class was devolving into chaos.

"Uh, awesome!" said Maybelle. Prussia would have come running at this, except he still hadn't recovered from reading France's conversation with Cleverbot.

Then the computer exploded.

Fangirls started screaming, France's hair caught on fire, and Kaylen continued to claw at the scarf around her neck.

**(Okay, give me a second to think of a way to fix this… oh, I know!)**

Luckily, England walked in at that exact moment, as he had wanted to make sure France wasn't showing the fangirls porn (or embarrassing pictures of him and America).

After taking a moment to absorb and process what was happening, he pulled out a spellbook and cast a spell to stop Katie's Russia powers. Kaylen fell to the ground, coughing. Then he cast another spell—this one created a miniature storm cloud that floated above France's head and rained on him to stop the fire.

Just to be thorough, he also cast a third spell on France—this one made him forget about Cleverbot.

France blinked. The fangirls stopped screaming.

"What are you doing in here, ohonhonhonhon? This is Relationships and Love class, after all… unless you wanted to—"

"YOU SHUT UP YOU BLOODY FROG!" yelled England.

Then France realized that there was a storm cloud raining on his hair, which was burnt.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he wailed. "MES CHEVEAUX!" **(my hair)**

He ran out of the room, the storm cloud following. England smirked.

Elise chose this moment to once again attempt a Flying Mint Bunny capture.

"HIYAAAAAAA!" she screamed, leaping at the space next to England.

"NEEEEEEEIRGH!" said Mr. Unicorn, kicking her away. She flew backwards and punched through the wall of the classroom, interrupting Japan's Self-Restraint class.

Every single student in that class barely reacted to Elise's appearance. All their hands were clasped, and they were watching a PowerPoint quietly and taking notes while Japan calmly talked about self-restraint.

Elise stormed back through the wall and attempted to punch Mr. Unicorn. However, he wasn't where she thought he was—actually, he was behind her.

"NEEEEEEEIRGH!"

"AAAAAAAH!"

This time, she flew through the other wall into Russia's Stalkerism class.

All the students (and Russia) immediately turned their heads creepily in her direction and said, "Hello, da?" simultaneously.

"Shit…" whispered Elise, then, as she slowly backed away, "Uh, sorry, guys… I'll be leaving now…"

She continued to back up, and after ten more minutes made it back through the wall to the classroom.

By that time, England was gone (probably because the gym was behind the last wall of the classroom, and Germany didn't like it when PE class was interrupted).

"What classroom is that?" asked Katie.

"Russia's," said Elise dismissively.

"OMG REALLY! RUSSIAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Katie ran through the wall over to Russia's classroom. She was never seen again, to Kaylen's delight.

**(Just kidding… really, she just wasn't seen for three days.)**

Finally, the bell rang and the fangirls left. A few of them wondered if they should tell someone about the holes in the walls, but their next class was PE, and you really didn't want to be late to that.

**Aaaaaaaaand that's it. I'm surprised it only took this long to get it up, even though it is a little short.**

**AND HEY GUYS EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO THE SONG WHATAYA WANT FROM ME (THE P!NK VERSION) BECAUSE IT KICKS ASS AND I LOVE IT TO DEATH AND IT'S FREAKING AWESOME.**

**anyways, bye. (Did I tell you guys I ship HongIce now? Well, I do.)**

**~Sof**


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